I should start by saying that I very nearly didn’t submit this year, even after I wrote my mentee bio and spiffed up my MS. I have a crippling case of self-doubt when it comes to my works, and it’s hard for me to imagine anyone could actually like what I write. I agonized for days after posting this, wondering if maybe I shouldn’t just let it fade into the background like so many other things I’ve loved and abandoned. The world is full of great literature, right, so who would ever want to read a story by a 20-something like me?
But when I heard the submissions had started early, I opened that window and plugged in all my info without giving myself a second of doubt. I have people counting on me. I have a spouse who has spent the last year supporting our family through illness and the realization I may never be able to hold a “real” job again. I have a toddler who has spent the last year watching his parent turn from a normal human being into a caricature of my former self. I have family members who don’t know or care that I’m sick, and see me as useless, figuring my “story” is just a way for me to be lazy while pretending to be productive.
And in the midst of it all is that little voice in my head, the one that says, You’ll never be good enough, so why bother? You’ll never be successful, so why bother? Your family is going to starve, your spouse is going to leave you, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it, so why bother? You’re just a young kid with a broken body – same sob story, different day. Why bother?
If I ever write an autobiography (or a semi-autobiographical fiction – you know, to protect my behind when the antagonist wants to sue 😉 ), I’m going to title it Why Bother?
Anyway, onto less angsty topics (though I swear, perpetual angst outside of the teenage years is totally a fine arts thing):
- I subbed. 😀
- I started up a Pinterest Storyboard for La Bastarda. You can find it here. I also have a board for writing and Harry Potter… And I may have started up a private board for the second book in the series, La Reina. Even if I’m not selected for #PitchWars, #PitMad, or anything else, I do plan on publishing and continuing the series. 😀 I’d prefer to keep the board for La Reina private until I’m ready to publish or submit it, but suffice to say that there is definite progress being made!
- I would really appreciate it if our central air would spontaneously start working again. No pressure.
I think that’s really it. I should get back to going over La Bastarda with a fine-toothed comb, just in case I end up with a request today! 🙂