The Terror of Realizing People Are Actually Reading Your Book

Yesterday morning, I woke up to one of my followers on Instagram having tagged me in a post. Due to having just woken up, the only part of her message that I could really comprehend were the words “Look what loaded on my #kindle”. I was so confused! It took me a few minutes to actually understand the personal importance of what she was posting, because, you see, my debut novel went live on Kindle last night, and she was one of the first people to purchase it.

My first reaction, even before I swiped to unlock my phone, was one of complete and utter fear.

I’m what I like to call a pessimist, I fully admit it. I very nearly didn’t release my story because I was afraid of public reaction. I was afraid people wouldn’t like my relatively passive protagonist, that they wouldn’t find my story interesting or that I’d have too many spelling and grammatical errors. I’m just afraid people just won’t like it. I’m still scared of that, to be honest! I think it’ll break my heart the first time someone posts a one-star Amazon review, but I’ll deal with my feelings on that when the moment comes.

In all honesty, this reminds me a lot of when I had my son. I was completely terrified, but at the same time I knew there really wasn’t much I could do about my fear because everything had been set in motion long before that moment. Right now, I’m completely terrified, but at the same time, there’s nothing I can do about it. All I can do is take deep breaths and bake a ton (which I’ve been doing! haha).

So, in honor of my feelings, here’s a list of things you can do instead of worry:

  • Bake!  I’ve baked sugar cookie bars, gingerbread, and I’ll probably bake some cheesecake before the night is through!
  • Binge-watch a show!  I’ve been watching The Borgias, but any show you love will do.
  • Continue writing, whether this means a new story (I’m continuing the second book in the series) or writing in a blog (oh hai), whatever you want – just write!
  • Go enjoy the holiday season!  My mother is taking my son and I to our local Christmas town tomorrow, and we’re going to see Santa, eat some fudge, and visit some of the shops while the weather is still nice. ❤
  • READ A BOOK!  I’m reading IF WALLS COULD TALK: AN INTIMATE HISTORY OF THE HOME by Lucy Worsley (finally!).  Seriously, I’m an awesome multitasker – I fully believe it was because I became a mom.  haha!

That’s all, and stay with me for more posts about LA BASTARDA all this month (and possibly into the next.  I’m a bit obsessed :P)!  😀

((For anyone wondering about the final post on Corpus Christi, I’ve decided to wait until the actual day comes this next year.  I need a bit more time to research, honestly – this isn’t an entry I can just rattle off like the rest of it.  I’ll put together the bibliography and add it to the previous Bolsena post.))

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